How to Heal
by Bella'sBrain
Summary: Renesmee is attacked by a mysterious vampire and struggles to cope with the aftermath. She has to rely on the support of her friends and family to maintain her optimism and self-worth. She isn't confident she can truly recover, but she is committed to trying. (M for Rape & Language)
1. Moving Forward

A/N: I want to preface this story by saying outright that it contains dark content and the tone does not lighten for some time as Renesmee processes her experience. There is significant discussion of rape which may be uncomfortable for some readers, please proceed with that understanding. Additionally, I have no right to tell someone how to handle a situation such as this, but please reach out to a loved one or professional/medical help whenever you need it.

I felt empty and aimless as I walked through the woods. I knew I couldn't go home but I wasn't even sure that I wanted to. There was an ever-present, dull ache in my chest but it felt distant, like my body wasn't connected to my mind. My legs would probably have been sore if they didn't feel numb, so I pressed forward through the trees.

Ever since the day I was born, I had been surrounded by the feelings of love, security and safety. Between my family and Jake, I never had to fear the world around me. I felt stripped of that protection and pathetically vulnerable for the first time in my life. I couldn't bring myself to call my family and I certainly couldn't call Jacob, but somehow I found myself dialing Emily's number.

Her and I spent most of our afternoons together in LaPush when Jake was on patrol and she had kind of adopted an older sister relationship with me. I tried not to let the '2:14 am' glowing on my screen deter me from pressing 'call'.

I held my breath while it rang and let it out when I heard her dazed, half-conscious voice, "Ness, are you okay?" The words were rough with sleep and I felt a twinge of guilt, but also resounding relief. "No," I croaked out, feeling the tears in my eyes spill over. "Em, can you come get me? I - I don't know where I am."

I heard shuffling on the other end of the line as she immediately agreed and presumably got out of bed. There was a distinctly male groan and I heard her speaking to Sam. "Shhh... honey go back to sleep. Everything's fine," she whispered.

I looked around, trying to identify anything familiar from my surroundings. The trees were dark and twisted, with leaves in shades of different autumn colors. There was nothing vaguely discernible about them to me, except I noted a clearing up ahead and began making my way toward it. The leaves crunching beneath my feet became small stones and gravel as I neared the opening. When I finally reached the part in the tree line, I saw the dark expanse of rock before me and felt the mist of sea foam from down below.

So many times in my life, Jacob had brought me here and spent the day with me by the ocean. I enjoyed swimming and running around, but my favorite times were when we just sat and talked. He would tell me about his life before I was born or places he wanted to visit someday. I always tried to be attentive, but sometimes I would zone out when his eyes warmed and his face lit up. He often mistook my fascination with exhaustion and pulled me into his arms to lay on his chest. I never corrected him because I liked listening to the sound of his heartbeat and watching the waves come in. I also didn't want to get caught for blatantly ogling.

In those moments, I felt calm and safe and warm in our little bubble and it was like nothing else mattered. My chest ached again as I desperately hoped that feeling would be the same no matter what had happened.

"Em, I'm near First Beach by the cliffs. I can make my way to the road and meet you there." I heard the faucet running on the other end of the line and her swift reply, "Okay Ness, I'll be there in five minutes." I hung up and started jogging toward the highway. I was grateful for Emily's help, but I couldn't repress the rising anxiety in my chest. What was I going to tell her?

I couldn't exactly pretend I got lost at two in the morning by myself. I had texted Aunt Alice around 10pm saying I was sleeping at Amber's and that wasn't really a lie, but it definitely omitted the club and the drinking before the sleepover. My parents were on a 'repeat honeymoon' at Isle Esme and I thought maybe I could finally let loose a little with my friends. I felt so stupid; I just wanted one night where I could feel normal and be a dumb teenager. How had I allowed myself to fall into such an obvious trap?

I knew I was nearing the road because I began to hear the whirring of cars and within a minute, I could see the headlights of a passing truck. I sat against the guard rail, waiting for Emily and I took inventory of myself for the first time that night.

My dress was torn up the side and smudged with dirt. I had left my heels somewhere in the forest and my feet were black from walking outside. I couldn't imagine what my face or my hair looked like. But none of that compared to the incessant ache throughout my body; everything hurt.

I carefully extended my right arm and examined the bruises on it. The most pronounced ones were practically a handprint on me and I was grateful that they would likely heal before my parents came home. I could scarcely imagine the look on my father's face if he saw them. I was already going to have to control my thoughts around him. If he saw the bruises too, I didn't think there would be much left to hide.

Another car approached then and I realized with dizzying relief, that it was Emily. She pulled off to the side quickly and jumped out of the car. Her expression told me that I looked far worse than I thought and she ran over, enveloping me in her arms. I tried to control my emotions but she felt so warm and maternal that I just collapsed in her embrace and started crying. She didn't say anything but she tightened her grip around me and led me to the car. She opened the passenger door for me and slid me inside. I didn't realize how cold I was until I felt the warmth from the heater.

She buckled me in and met my eyes with a pained, sympathetic smile. "Ness, I promise you that everything will be okay now. We'll figure this out, alright honey?" I nodded and she squeezed my hand before shutting the door and making her way to the driver's side.

She got in and I saw her confidence wane for a moment. She looked at me with a torn expression and took my cold hands in her warm ones. "Ness, I don't know where you want to go right now but it is completely up to you. I'm happy to take you back to my place or yours or Jacob's or the hospital. I just need you to let me know."

She watched me carefully as she spoke and I knew she felt me tense because I didn't know where I should go. I knew I couldn't go home or to Jacob's but I briefly wondered if I should go to the hospital.

Isn't that what you're supposed to do? But then I imagined the grueling hours of physical exams and questions (most of which I couldn't answer to a human doctor) and I couldn't bring myself to do it. Not yet, at least. "I think I want to go to your house, is that okay?" I searched her face for any sign of uncertainty but she just exhaled a little and gave my hands a reassuring squeeze.

"Absolutely honey, we can go to my place and get you in some warm clothes. Whatever you need, Ness." I relished in the idea of changing and returning to a little normalcy. She started the car without any more discussion and began driving toward LaPush.

I looked out the window at the trees smearing past and I made myself a silent promise. I didn't know how to move forward from here or what moving forward would even look like, but I would try. I had someone here for me now that could help me navigate this and I wouldn't let what happened crush me.

I remembered sitting on my father's lap years ago while he played the piano softly. We had been talking about Grandpa Charlie and Sue and I asked him about his parents. He told me about his mother and how much he loved her, tightening his arms around me in obvious discomfort. I asked him how he dealt with being sad that she wasn't here anymore and he paused the song and turned me to look at him. He told me that things happen in life that are painful and difficult to bear, but in order to get through them, I had to remind myself of all the good I still had. He said he missed his mother dearly, but he knew constantly being hurt by that loss wouldn't bring her back so he focused on me and Mom and the family he did have.

I couldn't change what happened that night but I would try to focus on the people who love me and maybe that would be enough to heal me. I leaned into Emily's shoulder and tried to release the tension from my limbs. I had been on high-alert all night and I finally exhaled and accepted that the danger was gone. I survived and even if I didn't feel remotely healed yet, I could start to pick up the pieces. I could start to move forward.


	2. Fancy, Girly Shit

When we pulled into the driveway, the first light of dawn was peeking through the trees. I had never seen LaPush like this; everything was grey and silent. I heard soft bird calls and the rumbling of the engine, but that was it. I pictured Jacob a few houses down sprawled out on his tiny bed, snoring and smiled a little to myself. _Focus on the good._

Emily shut the car off and unlocked the front door, leading me inside. I went to sit on the sofa across from the kitchen and Emily reached into the fridge to grab something. She came over and sat down, handing me a bottle of water. "Drink this please. You're probably dehydrated." I didn't argue and sipped it slowly, enjoying the cool feeling in my throat. She waited for me to finish the whole bottle and then looked at me with a concerned expression.

"Ness, you don't- please don't feel pressured to talk to me, but I want to help. If I can," she began softly and I immediately leaned in to hug her. Emily was always so kind and considerate and her gentle nature was something I appreciated now more than ever.

I sat back and inhaled heavily before beginning, "I was out with my friends last night and we- well, we went to a club and we were drinking." I watched her face for a sign of anger or disapproval, but she kept calm and continued to listen intently. "I didn't drink a lot and I mostly stayed by Amber, but then she met this guy and really wanted to be alone. I didn't want to be rude or a bad friend, so when she asked if she could leave early with him, I said I was fine with it. She was my ride home, but I figured I could just take an Uber or call someone. I was on my way out when I caught his scent. He was a vampire I'd never met before and I couldn't fathom what he was doing in Forks of all places. I could tell he was perplexed by me since I was obviously not human or vampire and he just came over and started making small talk. He offered to talk somewhere quieter and get to know me better. I really thought he just wanted to hang out, so I left with him and god Em, I was so stupid." I cut off abruptly because I knew I couldn't control my voice anymore. I buried my face in her shoulder to hide the tears flowing down my cheeks.

Emily pulled me into her arms and held me tightly for a minute, but then she pulled my face back to look at her. "You need to listen to me, Renesmee." Her tone caught me off guard, it was tense and angry. I nodded and she continued, "You did nothing wrong here. You are not stupid. You are wonderful and none of this is your fault." Her eyes bore into mine, trying to convey the sincerity of her words but I couldn't handle it. I doubled over and cried harder. She didn't understand. I am a half-vampire for God's sake and it wasn't enough.

"Em, I tried." My voice was quivering and small and I hated how weak I sounded, but it was how I felt. "I tried to fight him and I-I wasn't strong enough." I felt a sob wrack my body then and she hugged me fiercely into her chest. I just let her rock me for a few minutes and whisper soothing words into my hair.

When the tears finally ceased, I was left with that empty feeling in my chest again and I ached for the part of me that was gone. I felt broken and helpless and scared because there was a numbness in the back of my mind that I couldn't decide if I preferred over the pain.

"Ness, I think a shower and a change of clothes might make you feel a little better. How does that sound?" I nodded and she stood up, pulling me with her. She led me to the bathroom and began arranging the soap, shampoo, and conditioner. I let her guide me around like a small child as she grabbed some spare clothes from the guest room and set them on the toilet.

She brushed the tears from my cheeks and gave my elbows a light squeeze. "One step at a time okay?" her confidence filled me up a little and I nodded, feigning my own.

"Now, I'll be in the kitchen making us some tea and Sam is dead to the world. Take your time and let me know if you need anything," she smiled warmly at me and kissed my forehead.

"Thanks Em," I wanted to say so much more but her smiled widened in understanding and she left. I slowly peeled off my remaining clothes and I couldn't help the gasp I released at the stranger staring back at me in the mirror.

When I was younger, Jake would tease me about how I never liked to color in the lines and how I would basically scribble on everything. That's what I looked like; the red, blue, green, purple, black streaks were scribbled all over my body with no mind to my outline. I tasted bile in noting how the most severe discoloration was on my chest and thighs.

The worst thing by far were the bites. Silvery white outlines firmly embedded along my forearm, my collarbone, my hip, everywhere. They vividly traced the path of my attacker and I winced as I poked the one on my forearm gently. The actual teeth marks glistened with residual venom and I knew I needed to wash them out or they would continue to sear away my skin.

I quickly turned away from my reflection and turned on the shower to a scalding temperature. Maybe I could burn it all off, I thought absently. Like shedding a layer of skin. My limbs started talking to me as I lifted my arms to lather shampoo in my hair and the scent enveloped me in a memory.

_For just a moment, I was transported back to a better, simpler world. I was sitting on Jake's bed, wrapped in his comforter, relishing in how his scent made my head swim. I was leaning back against the towel over his pillow in a pair of his sweats. Normally, I would pack accordingly for a dip at the beach but this particular instance was not planned._

_The echoes of my exhilarated cries and Jake's rumbling laugh as he threw me over his shoulder and ran into the ocean were still running through my mind. When my initial joy wore off, I told him he'd better start packing to go on the run. I had just went to the salon with Aunt Alice for highlights and her explicit instructions were to avoid the beach for at least three days. I laughed at the fear blooming in his eyes as he ran us back to his place and called Emily for some "fancy, girly shit" to preserve my hair. _

_She brought over some salon-grade, leave-in conditioner and Jake nearly shoved me into his shower. Once I lathered it in, I had to let it sit for 15 minutes before washing it out. So, I was sitting there waiting it out when he came back in. He stumbled a little because his hand was dramatically draped over his eyes. "Are you decent, Ness?" I laughed in response and he opened his eyes, hurrying over to join me. _

_I never got over the way his face lit up when he looked at me. I felt it in every part of my body. He eagerly wrapped his arms around me/the comforter cocoon already surrounding me. I quickly rolled away and shook off the comforter before returning to his body. My face heated a little at the flimsy tank top I was wearing but his eyes were trained on my face and I shook off my stress. This was Jacob. My Jacob. I didn't need to be self-conscious with him. _

_He was situated sideways, looking down at me lying flat beside him and his eyebrow quirked upward. "I can't hold you with the comforter on too. You're a space heater, Jake." He seemed pleased at my response, craning his neck to lower his mouth against my forehead. I expected him to pull back after a second, but his hot lips stayed pressed there for awhile. I certainly wasn't complaining, even as he gently sat me up and shifted to sit behind me. _

_I didn't know what he was doing, but I didn't particularly care when my back met his warm chest. His fingers drifted upward into my hair, gently removing the hair tie keeping my bun in place. He tangled his hands in my hair, massaging my scalp softly. _

_My head lulled back at the sensation and I leaned more firmly into his chest. My heart thumped loudly and I felt his beating with the same fervor against my shoulder blade. I didn't pretend to be unaffected since he never seemed to care how utterly enthralled I was by him. In the safety of my own mind, I could daydream that he actually liked his effect on me. Especially when he practically panted against my neck like he was doing then. _

_A shiver rippled through me at the feel of his hot exhale on my neck. "I have to... have to wash this out now." My voice was uneven and he tightened his hold on me, sliding his hands to my shoulders and anchoring me to him. _

"_No," he growled playfully, squeezing my collarbone for emphasis. I knew he could probably feel the outline of my heart hammering against his palm. "You have a death wish," I panted, struggling to sit up in his arms. _

"_You don't want to go on the run from Alice with me?" He asked, wiggling his eyebrows. I laughed and almost painfully extracted myself from him, pushing off the bed. "Maybe tomorrow," I called back, slipping into the bathroom. _

I didn't realize I was crying until the sobs started to wrack my body. Could I ever feel that way again? I ached for it to be so simple. I knew Jake would do whatever I needed to heal, but my knees quaked with the intensity of knowing he couldn't just put me back together this time.

We had been that way for awhile now and I think we were dancing around each other, waiting to see who finally confessed something more. I thought it would be awkward to fall in love with my best friend, but everything with Jake just felt instinctive and natural. So I stopped hiding my growing, not-so platonic affection for him and just embraced it. I used to dream about my first kiss, my first everything being with Jake and my knees nearly buckled knowing that hope was lost now.

I hurried through the rest of my shower, not wanting to be alone with my thoughts any longer. I was grateful for Emily's clothing choices, a thick pair of sweatpants and a soft, long-sleeved shirt. I didn't linger in front of the mirror, knowing there was no point. My exterior would be scarred with what happened for quite some time and there was nothing I could do to erase the remnants. My interior was a project I couldn't quite evaluate yet.

Emily was seated on the couch, sipping from a mug and watching some cooking show. I came and sat beside her, accepting the mug she handed me. The tea coated my throat in warmth and I drank it quickly, enjoying the burn against my tongue. I wanted to feel something besides mind-numbing dread and at least it offered a momentary distraction.

I didn't remember drifting off, but I knew as soon as I opened my eyes that I'd been sleeping for awhile. The spot next to me was vacant, but I heard Emily bustling around in the kitchen. Sam's voice also emerged and he sounded extremely stressed.

"Em, I get it. I just... you don't understand. It's not something I can just block out." He was arguing fervently and I felt a wave of nausea, realizing what they were discussing.

"You will block it out," Emily responded fiercely and I heard him groan in frustration.

"I share a headspace with him and he's my goddamn Alpha." Sam's tone was desperate and pleading, and I knew he wouldn't be able to hide it from Jake for long.

Emily came back in then and I knew my expression was too affected to feign sleep at that point. She gave me a pained smile and gathered me up in her arms.

"Everything will work itself out, Ness." I couldn't fathom the resolve in her voice and my next thought brought tears brimming in my eyes.

"It won't- I mean- what will Jake even-" she cut me off with a stern look.

"This isn't about Jacob. This is about you, Renesmee."

I flinched at the sudden cacophony of bangs outside and Emily brushed my cheek in a soothing gesture, grumbling softly, "Dammit." I recognized the noises as the slam of car doors, as all of the pack members barreled in through the front door. There were ten total now (counting Jacob & Quil, who were both mysteriously absent) and they all stood in their half-naked glory, not-so-patiently waiting for Emily to feed them.

Based on her expression, she had completely forgotten about her Sunday breakfast duties. My face heated in shame, knowing how preoccupied she must have been with me to forget the weekly ritual they'd had since before I was born. She immediately jumped up and ran to the kitchen to start cooking and everyone settled in around the living room seating. Colin and Brady, the youngest wolves to date, stood almost out of place near the corner of the room. They had yet to fully assimilate to pack life and truly feel at home here, but I knew this place and the people in it would wear them down eventually.

Paul was gesturing animatedly to Jared and cursing under his breath as he regaled an apparent fight with Rachel earlier this morning. He was waving his hands frantically at his sides to convey his exasperation, "How the hell was I supposed to know she doesn't like mangoes anymore? She fucking loved 'em last week! I had to buy a bushel- do you know they sell mangoes in bushels, Jared? And now, because I didn't know she stopped liking mangoes, 'I don't know her anymore and we've grown apart.' These goddamn hormones man, I'm telling you right now that I won't survive another five months..."

Jared held out his arms, palms up in a placating gesture and I fought off my impending giggles. I knew how much Paul loved Rachel and he was as sweet as pie to her face, but we all saw how he was grappling with the uncharted territory of pregnancy hormones.

I shifted my attention to Leah's rigid frame as she appeared to be engaged in a stare-down with Embry. His expression was much more playful than her severe one and I was floored when he winked at her. She growled quietly and it only seemed to improve his mood. Seth was watching them now too, apparently deeming this interaction much more interesting than the cell phone he was previously texting on.

"What's with you two?" Seth asked, his eyebrows knitting together. Embry grinned and Leah scowled, but neither said a word. The tense moment was interrupted by Jacob's arrival.

He walked into the living room with a goofy smile and the proclamation: "I brought muffins." Everyone simultaneously jumped up and headed to the kitchen, but I held off, staring at him and his happy, carefree expression. I willed myself to be a good actress and not disrupt it.

Not trusting myself to be in close proximity to Jake without giving something away, I wedged between Paul and Leah at the counter and bit into a chocolate chip muffin. Jake was eyeing me curiously from across the room but didn't ask, sitting next to Seth and devouring four muffins in four minutes.

I saw Paul glance possessively at the last chocolate chip one in the middle of the counter. I didn't really want it but when our eyes met, I knew I'd been challenged and swiped for it anyway. He jabbed me in the side playfully but I couldn't suppress the pained yelp I let out. He froze, clearly horrified and Jake jumped up snarling. He had a wild angry look in his eyes as he rushed over to me.

"I didn't- I mean I barely- Ness, I'm sorry." He was frantically apologizing, whether out of unnecessary remorse or fear of Jacob I couldn't tell. I shook my head dismissively, "It's not your fault. I just- uh- fell last night and I'm still pretty sore."

I could feel everyone's eyes on me and the burn of the poorly construed lie on my cheeks. Jake was less than a foot from me now and he tilted his head in suspicion, his dark eyes imploring mine, "You fell?"

I knew everyone was waiting for my response. I knew I looked guilty as sin staring up at him but I was trapped in his gaze unable to speak a word. It was too soon; I wanted more time before it all came out. And yet here I was, on the precipice of before and after. I knew once I gave in, nothing would ever be the same. Maybe that monumental shift had truly occurred when it actually happened last night, but it never felt more real or more earth-shattering than here in this moment with Jacob's wondering, worrying eyes on mine. No, the climatic moment did not happen last night but it was about to.


	3. Vulnerable & Broken & Loved & Whole

Emily entered and cleared her throat, drawing everyone's attention but Jacob's. "Breakfast is ready." Her tone was warning and hard but Jake kept staring at me. His eyes were trained on mine, his irises darkening to almost black as he likely tried to formulate what happened. I let out a shaky breath and stood up, holding out my hand to him. "Come on, let's go for a walk."

He silently took my hand and led me out the front door, not slowing as we walked along the front porch and across the lawn. I knew he was probably heading toward the beach, but I stopped short.

Every memory I ever had of that beach was happy and lively. Jake and I had spent time there since I was a baby and it was one of my favorite places on Earth. I didn't want to tell him there.

He looked back at me with a question in his eyes, actually more than one but the most pressing being why I stopped. "Not there. Not at the beach." His forehead wrinkled with stress but he just nodded and moved toward his car parked in the driveway.

I climbed in on the passenger side and immediately moved toward him once he slid inside. He draped his arm around me kind of like a habit and pulled out of the driveway. I greedily inhaled his scent and allowed it to calm my building nerves. As he drove away from LaPush, I moved progressively closer until I was practically clinging to him.

He was warm and strong and safe around me. I didn't expect to feel so comfortable so soon because the past few hours had been anything but. Though, here in Jacob's arms I knew nothing would hurt me and I relished in that security. I squeezed my eyes shut and buried my face in his neck, trying to just feel the weight of that safety and not dread our impending conversation.

I was so absorbed in my effort to block out everything but the feel of Jake holding me that I didn't notice when he pulled over on the side of the road somewhere. He shut off the ignition and turned to face me more directly, wrapping both arms around me. My hysteria was mounting and I fought off the tears brimming in my eyes as I lifted my head a little and stared at his chin.

He gently raised my face to look at him and gave me the most compelling, distraught look I'd ever seen. "Honey, please talk to me." His voice was quivering with intensity and small. My Jacob always spoke so confidently, even when his voice was lowered, it always held a note of authority or self-assurance. Now, it was raw and scared and unsure.

I felt my tears begin to spill over and he instantly brushed them away with his thumbs, cradling my face in his hands and pulling me impossibly closer. "Please, Ness, tell me what's wrong."

I struggled under the weight of his plea, never really able to deny him anything. I could see that I was hurting him remaining silent, but he didn't know the pain I would inflict when I spoke. I dragged in a heavy breath and tried to steel myself. I would be strong for him.

"Someone hurt me last night. Really badly." The effect of my words were instantaneous as the color drained from his face. He moved to lift the hem of my shirt, probably to see the spot where Paul touched, but I grabbed his wrist. He couldn't see the marks. I knew he wouldn't be able to handle it and he shouldn't have to.

"Jake, don't." My voice shook with fear and I internally cursed myself for not keeping my composure. I watched his expression carefully and my stomach dropped because the damage was already done. My shirt rode up slightly with our movements and he saw the first black and purple patches on my waist. His eyes, usually so full of warmth and light, were glazed over in horror as he lightly rolled up my right sleeve and stared at markings on my forearm. He winced as his fingertips just barely grazed over the indentations of teeth.

"Vampire?" His jaw was clenched and I swallowed thickly before nodding, "Yes."

His face contorted and I nearly threw up when a tear formed in the corner of his eye. "Renesmee," his tone was rigid and detached, but his body language remained gentle and cautious.

"Were you- Did he?" Jacob couldn't finish the sentence as the convulsions rippled through his body. I clutched him to me and tried to be just as consoling, tracing the lines of his face with my fingers and trying to convey with my expression how much I loved him.

His quivering subsided slowly, his eyes never leaving mine as he calmed his panting breaths. The question still hung in the air between us and I knew he knew, but I wanted to get it out. I wanted it to be over. I wanted to acknowledge it and be done.

I forced myself to calm down and face the reality of being here with him, completely safe and loved. I ran my fingers lightly over the taut muscles of his collarbone, encouraging them to relax. I finally broke our gaze and stared at his chest.

"Yes, he raped me." His ragged breath cut me off and I watched him start to cry for the first time in my life. I cupped his cheek and squeezed gently. "Please, Jake, I need to say this. I don't- don't know where to go from here. But I know one thing and I'm not saying this to make you feel better. It's the truth." I took another deep breath and glanced up at Jacob to see him utterly frozen.

"I've been dealing with this for about twelve hours now and every second has felt empty and forced. When I- when I saw you at Emily's this morning and the way you look at me and the way you protect me and the way you love me, moving forward didn't feel as much like a burden. I'm not saying the next part will be easy, but I feel like I can face it with you."

He listened patiently but as soon as I finished, he cradled me to his chest and I felt the sobs wracked his body. I felt my own pain fiercely but it was nothing compared to feeling Jacob's pain. I didn't speak or move or try to comfort him because I knew we were beyond that now. He just needed to feel it and let it out.

His heart was throbbing beneath my ear and he tangled one hand in my hair, wrapping the other protectively around my waist. His mouth moved to my ear and he started rambling in a shaky voice.

"Ness, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry baby. I'm so sorry I let this happen. So sorry I wasn't there. I'll never leave you again. No one will ever touch you again. No one will ever look at you wrong again. I'm supposed to protect you and I failed. You are everything- everything to me, Ness. I'm so sorry. I love you so much. I'm so sorry." His words devolved to sobs again and I fought to keep my tears silent. I couldn't process the feeling in my chest at his words. I had never felt so vulnerable and so broken in my life, but I'd also never felt so loved and so whole.

We stayed that way for a long time, just struggling to exist in each other's arms. At some point, his hand in my hair stopped clutching and began softly stroking in a lulling manner. In a normal circumstance, the action would make me fall asleep and I think Jake knew it calmed me. I carefully sat up and surveyed his red face, sure mine was just as swollen and blotchy.

"You know, you were the thing that finally scared him off." I said the words to comfort him, but I regretted it instantly because I didn't want to have to explain. Sure enough, his head tilted to the side in confusion and I internally cursed. It didn't really matter, everything else was on the table. Surely this wouldn't be the most upsetting thing I'd told him.

"When I realized I couldn't physically fight him off, I told him my coven size family of vampires and werewolf boyfriend would tear him to shreds." The confession was spoken into his neck, but I gave his face a furtive glance and saw only bitter satisfaction. We had never labeled our relationship as anything more than best friends, but I embellished for the purpose of the threat and it proved successful.

"I showed him images of you with my gift and how protective you are of me. I didn't expect him to actually run because of it, but I wanted him to know I wasn't his."

Jacob tilted my chin up to stare at me and his tone was grave again, "You aren't anyone's, Renesmee. Not his. Not mine. Yours." Unadulterated love coursed through my body for the man in front of me. I nodded and craned my neck to kiss his jaw, feeling his whole body shudder at the sensation.

He straightened up and tightened his hold on me. "Ness, I know I freaked out but I will be okay now. I love you for letting me break down, but I will be strong for you now. This isn't about me or anyone else. I should've been there and I wasn't." He shushed my immediate rebuttal. "I will be here now and forever. I know you're not just going to get over this and forget it. You can be vulnerable with me and I'll take care of you, always. I promise you, honey."

His words melted through my skin and grasped my stagnant heart, energizing it. I breathed out heavily, feeling a modicum of the grief lift from my chest. I wasn't alone and he would help me get through this. His strength was invigorating and I was overcome with my affection for him. I kissed his jaw again and spoke into the skin there, "God, I love you so much."

He bent his face to become level with mine and his breaths were unsteady, though it wasn't entirely pain anymore. I instinctively leaned up to kiss him, not caring for the rationale or repercussions. He stopped me about two inches from his mouth and exhaled forcefully, the proximity letting me practically taste him.


	4. Permanent Goosebumps

A/N: Thank you very much to my first reviewer, FadingEmotion! The first half of this chapter is Renesmee and at the line break, it switches to Jacob.

"Ness," his voice was deep and anguished. "You have been through a lot and I know you want that and I do too, but I want us to work through this first. I'm not going anywhere." I pouted a little, to which he laughed for the first time this morning and kissed my cheek gently.

I was frustrated that he wouldn't kiss me, but so eager to see the light return to his eyes. I felt like we were coming out of the cave now and even if the light was miles and miles away, we were at least facing the right direction and moving forward.

"Now," he said in a responsible tone. "What can we do about your- uh- injuries? Have you been checked out anywhere?" I shook my head and leaned into him further, desperate to avoid what would be a lengthy examination. He sighed and gave me a reassuring squeeze. "I really think you should go see Carlisle, honey."

I flinched at the thought of my family finding out. I knew it was probably inevitable, but it was like everything happening all over again. The logic was sound- Carlisle would be able to reasonably assess my injuries unlike a normal doctor. I nodded infinitesimally and Jacob turned on the car, pulling onto the road. I instinctively grabbed his arm in fear, "You'll stay with me though, right?"

He leaned over to kiss my forehead quickly, still watching the road. "If that's what you want, Ness. I'm never leaving you again." He gave a dry laugh that resonated in my chest. "Believe me, honey, you're going to get sick of me and the nonstop hovering I have planned."

I laughed too and it felt staggeringly good to have hope. "I want you and your hovering. Forever." I realized the weight of my words as they left my mouth, but it didn't change how I felt. I wanted him always, no matter what, forever.

That epiphany filled me up and I was floored by how it could momentarily override the festering pain and anxiety. It enveloped every part of my being and I felt dizzy with its potency; I loved Jacob. It was a fact I accepted maybe since I first saw him, but I never truly appreciated the depths of that love as much as I did in this moment. It was the all-consuming kind of love with enough power to offer me solace at the lowest point in my life, to dull the searing pain in my heart and one day maybe even extinguish it.

We didn't speak for the rest of the ride to my house, but his every movement was tender and radiated his love for me. I struggled to maintain my steady breathing as we pulled up to the garage and Aunt Rose was bent beside her BMW with a wrench in her hand. Jake idled about 100 yards from the entrance, giving me a minute to prepare myself. Rosalie looked up and scowled at Jacob per usual.

He cut the engine and turned to me. His posture portrayed his nerves but his voice was strong and sure, "Together, okay?" I brushed a hand along the side of his face and he leaned into it, kissing my fingers. Aunt Rose hissed, from impatience or disapproval I didn't know, but I turned anyway and slid out of the car. My legs felt like jello so I was grateful when Jake hurried around to my side and secured an arm around me, basically holding me up.

Rosalie was glaring fiercely at us as we approached. I just sighed in anticipation and whispered, "Inside Aunt Rose, please."

Her confident sneer dropped and she flitted toward us to better inspect me, appraising my awkward gait and probably anguished expression. She stopped Jake in his tracks with a firm hand on his chest, "What did you do to her, dog?"

I winced at the accusation and her eyes widened, a snarl escaping her. "Please, Aunt Rose. Jake didn't- I was- just please." She was practically shaking in anger, but I saw her hardened eyes melt at my words and she stalked off toward the house.

When we made it inside, I saw six sets of golden eyes on me with varying degrees of suspicion, concern and anger. I chose to address my grandfather, who mostly just seemed worried. "Can we- uh- discuss this in the dining room, please?" His eyebrows rose in surprise but he immediately motioned for everyone to follow.

He set at the head chair on one end, with Grandma immediately to his right. My Aunt Rose flitted to his left and took the seat between us, Jake sliding his chair on my left until it was practically touching mine. Uncle Emmett sat directly across from me and his usual upbeat expression was clouded with stress. Aunt Alice sat next to him, with Jasper beside her at the other table head. It was the first time I looked at him directly since I walked into the house and my focus strained in noting his horrified expression. I couldn't imagine the emotions rolling off of Jake and I.

Esme's voice penetrated my thoughts, "Sweetheart, please. What's the meaning of this?" I shifted uncomfortably in my chair and Jake squeezed my knee in encouragement. I opened my mouth to speak and Alice cut me off, "Should I call Edward and Bella?"

"No!" My reply was loud and shrill and certainly didn't instill confidence in my increasingly concerned family. Alice nodded swiftly but her eyes betrayed her mounting fear. I had to stop dragging this out.

"Last night, I went to a club with my friends and I was attacked by a vampire." No one blinked or breathed or moved. "I had never met him before and I think he was just passing through but he caught my scent and was very curious about what exactly I was. We talked for awhile before he became- uh- aggressive." I didn't know how to say the rest, but their eyes were all expectant and questioning. My throat felt tight and the nausea swirling in my stomach increased.

I was exceptionally grateful when Carlisle took over in a physician-oriented fashion. "Are you not healing like normal?" His tone was strained, but level and I relaxed a little, leaning against Jake for support.

"Uh, my injuries are pretty extensive. Some worse than others." Jake stiffened in his seat and I glanced up at him, noting the glassy look in his eyes again.

"Bruises?" Esme asked carefully. She was acting guarded but I could see the gears turning in her mind. I grimaced and forced myself to be honest. "And scratches. And bites." I added softly.

"He bit you?" Aunt Rose cried in outrage. She flew to the other side of the table and stood behind Uncle Emmett's chair, grabbing his shoulders. I knew it wasn't to restrain him, but to alleviate her own stress and he quickly shifted to pull her into his lap.

Jasper spoke in a low, agonized tone, "The bites won't fade, Renesmee." The weight of that fact threatened to wreck my composure. I recalled how many there were all over my body and I felt the moisture stinging my eyes. I would never truly shed the scars of what happened. I gripped Jake's arm so tightly that if he was human, it would probably come off. He leaned down to kiss my forehead and Aunt Rose snapped.

"Where were you? How could you let someone do that to her? What were you-" I slammed my hand on the table, unable to hear another word and I felt the wood splinters beneath my fingers. I couldn't bring myself to look at him and see the undeniable, grossly unnecessary guilt on his face.

"This is not Jacob's fault anymore than it's mine for being there in the first place. Do you blame me, Aunt Rose?" She stared back at me, clearly livid and incredulous. Her only concession was to slink back into Emmett's embrace and glare out the window.

"You're just lucky he left her alive dog or you'd already be six feet under. He could have-" Her words were cutting at first, but she broke off with a horrified gasp and I finally felt my tears fall. Everyone else seemed upset, obviously, but none of them guessed what I saw in Rosalie's eyes at that moment. In a flash, she was at my side and pulling me into her arms, burying my face into her neck.

"Please, my love. Please tell me he didn't." She spoke the desperate words into my hair and I heard the collective horror from the rest of my family as they finally understood. I couldn't breathe anymore. I just broke in her arms, her maternal touch and devastated tone was too much. I knew she understood how I felt and I couldn't fight the rising hysteria any longer. She met my bawling with tearless sobs of her own and the burden threatened to crush me again.

In a detached portion of my brain, I registered the conversations occurring around me. Carlisle was insisting they bring me to his office upstairs to check on my physical state. Esme was debating calling my parents. I couldn't see Aunt Alice but I could hear her short, wheezing breaths and someone (probably Jasper) trying to soothe her. Surprisingly, the one voice I could always hear ringing throughout the house was completely silent. I shifted in Aunt Rose's embrace to peer at my Uncle and he was staring purposefully at the table, clenching his fists. He looked up suddenly, as if feeling my eyes on him and I was struck by the depth of his pained expression. The majority of my interactions with Uncle Emmett involved teasing or wrestling or superficial things, but the weight of the agony in his eyes was ancient and crippling. He never looked more aged or haggard to me than he did now.

He cleared his throat quietly and motioned to Jake, "Let's go out for a little while. I need to talk to you." I let out a sound resembling a whimper and immediately burrowed my face in Rose's shoulder to escape the embarrassment.

Jake reached out for me and I was astonished when Aunt Rose gave me up instantly without a word. He held me protectively to his chest and spoke against my temple, "You're safe now, Ness. We're not going to let anything happen to you ever again. Why don't you let Carlisle examine you while I step out with Emmett for a little bit? I promise I'll be back soon and blon- _Rosalie_ will stay with you, okay?"

I laughed softly at his slip up and whispered into his neck, "Okay." I kissed the skin where his neck met his shoulder once, my ache to separate overriding my usual self-conscious attitude around my family. He squeezed me against him and planted a lingering kiss on my forehead, before releasing me. I tried not to shiver in mental distress at the lack of warmth. I felt cold without him now in a way that was foreign and pervasive, the chill spreading throughout my entire body.

Aunt Rose lifted me into her arms, cradling me against her and flitted to Carlisle's office. She placed me gently on the make-shift gurney in the corner and flew out of the room, returning in seconds with a large, woolen blanket. She draped it around my shoulders and climbed onto the gurney with me. I settled in her arms, comforted by the warmth and texture of the fabric.

"I know it's not as warm as Jacob, but it will do for now." The usual scorn in her voice when she spoke of him was completely absent. I didn't think I'd ever heard her speak his name before either. I snuggled further into her embrace and she held me just lightly enough to avoid injuring me further. Grandpa came in with a glass of water and handed it to Aunt Rose, so he could rummage around in his drawers for the necessary supplies. She encouraged me to sip the water, but I guzzled it down in ten seconds flat.

He walked over at a human pace, as if not to startle me, holding a few tubes and tools. He laid them out on a little table beside us and I noted the fairly sizeable needle.

"Renesmee, I want to take a blood sample if that's alright with you. I have to clean your skin with antiseptic first." He picked up the small square of antiseptic wipe and held out his hand for my wrist. I rolled up the sleeve as high as I could comfortably get it and he placed the wipe on the inside of my forearm. I hissed at the sudden burning sensation and Aunt Rose tensed.

"I believe the bites are still very tender. I will avoid them, I promise." I just nodded, clenching my teeth as the burn slowly abated. He opened the packaging of the needle and I tried not to anticipate the pain, knowing that would only make it worse. It seemed silly really to be worrying about a little needle, given the amount of pain I'd endured last night. I gripped my Aunt's hand firmly and exhaled, imagining the nerves flowing out of my body with that breath.

* * *

I had seen the Cullens struggle to handle everything with Bella, but I had never seen them this upset. Esme brought me a pen and paper and told me to write down every one of Ness's favorite foods. In any other circumstance, I would have laughed or rolled my eyes, but I knew she was just trying to find something to make her feel better. It was weird to be grateful for the Cullens, but I was. I was so grateful for them, because I didn't know if I could fix her on my own and I needed help.

Alice was still pretty messed up and Jasper had her in his lap on the couch. When we first sat down at the table, I felt the waves of calm he had sent, probably overwhelmed with whatever the hell I'm feeling rooted in my chest. Now, he was completely preoccupied with his mate to notice any of us.

She kept whispering "my fault, my fault, my fault" on a broken record and maybe it's because my nerves were shot, but I snapped at her. "Give it a rest, Alice. It's all our faults. It's no one's fault. Does it matter?"

Alice made a noise in her throat, but said nothing. Jasper's eyes blazed and I gulped, not really wanting to pick a fight. I knew I was on a short fuse, more tightly strung than I'd ever been in my life, but fighting with one of them and upsetting Ness would only make me more guilty. It was a war in my brain between mind-numbing guilt and just heartache for the most amazing part of my life and how badly she was hurting.

When we watched those Hallmark movies she loved so much and the plot dropped off with a fight or a negative twist, she would squeeze my shoulder to release her stress and goosebumps would rise up all over her body. I asked her about it once, and she explained that whatever happened was so jarring (good or bad) that she just felt inundated for a minute. That's what it felt like now, only they were permanent goosebumps. I couldn't shake how jarring her news was and I worried that reaction would never fade. I needed to be strong for her. I couldn't waste time wallowing in how badly I fucked up. It was done and it was my job to help her heal.

As if I needed more than an emotional motivation, the wolf within was wired, knowing this was what my imprint needed. It was really only an added layer of urgency, but it propelled me to walk toward Emmett and nudge him, "Come on. I don't want to be gone long."

We were silent as we raced through the forest, going a few miles away from Forks. Emmett seemed to be leading us somewhere, so I just followed we came to a flat area up in the mountains. It was mostly rock and fine grass situated between two large hills and overlooking the forest. The sight was incredible, but my senses were dulled and I flopped down on the grass. Emmett sat opposite me and ripped up some of the grass from its roots.

"I wanted to talk to you about your uh … _intentions_ with Renesmee."

I really tried to keep a straight face, but I knew it was failing miserably. "Don't you think it's a little late for that discussion?"

He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I don't understand much about this whole imprinting business, but I do know about the role you're about to take on and I need to make sure you're prepared."

I didn't have a response for that, so I just let him continue. Ness had alluded about Rosalie in the past, but I never asked because it didn't seem fair for me to know given our tense relationship.

"Rose was attacked as a human and that's why Carlisle turned her. He found her… after and she would have died otherwise." The tension in his body had lessened and he was practically hunched over with the weight of his words.

"I didn't even know exactly what happened until nearly two years after I turned. Being a newborn is overwhelming and she thought I couldn't handle it."

"What did you do when she told you?" I winced, remembering how I broke down to her. My Ness actually comforted _me_.

He raised his arm and rubbed the back of his neck in a startlingly human nervous gesture, a smile forming on his lips. "I proposed."

I grinned too, but then my stomach dropped. "Uh, you don't want me to propose to Ness right? I mean I know I will eventually, but we're really… really not there yet."

Emmett laughed and shook his head, so I let the air back into my lungs. His forehead creased like he was concentrating very hard.

"She needs someone to lean on right now and I can't let it be you if you aren't completely committed. I won't let her be hurt anymore than she already has been and if she relies on you and you leave…" He veered off and I felt a sense of relief flood me. I didn't care that he was questioning my devotion to Ness, because I realized he helped Rosalie through it and I had a shot. I knew there was no one on this planet more tightly bound to another person that I was with Ness, but that bond did her no good if I didn't know how to help her.

"I will always be there for her, but I feel like I'm in over my head. We're already so close and I think she wants something more now. I don't want to reject her and I certainly want more whenever she's ready, but will that make it harder for her right now?"

He nodded in approval, "There's no rules with this. If you both want that, then go for it but go slow. I was terrified to be _that_ way with Rose the first time. I thought I'd be reminding her of what happened, but she just insisted that it was completely different when you are with a person you love. I am sure as shit not condoning you and Ness sleeping together, but I don't think you will make her nervous or remind her of that if you're together. And if you're worried about something, just ask her."

My breaths came easier for the first time since this nightmare started. I knew nothing I did would erase what happened, but at least I had a game plan for going forward. I didn't need to keep her at a distance like this morning as long as we were both honest with each other. It was a sick sense of irony that I'd been waiting for the day Ness wanted me for years and when it finally came, _I_ was the one who hesitated. I'd have to fix that when we get back.

"Listen, Jake, I know you and Edward haven't always got along, but she loves you so everyone else can just deal. Hell, I have to hate you to keep my wife happy, but I'm glad she has you." I stared at him openly shocked and he laughed. I wanted to express my gratitude and tell him how much I appreciated his input, but no words came. He stood and clapped me on the shoulder, I guess his form of a hug for mortal enemies/guys his niece dates.

"Come on, let's get you back to your girl." He sprinted into the trees and I scrambled up after him.

A/N: If you want to read the 'proposal' scene between Rosalie & Emmett, it's a separate piece called My Angel. Don't worry, Bella & Edward will show up soon and we'll learn more about this attacker. Please review!


	5. Unwavering

I must have drifted off in Aunt Rose's arms, because when I opened my eyes again we were cuddled up in the living room. I shifted slightly in her arms and lifted my head from her chest to peer around the room. Disappointment shot through me when I scanned and saw Alice and Grandma across from us, but no Jake.

Aunt Rose sat up too and pecked my forehead, "They'll be back soon, sweetheart." I just nodded and became distracted by the amazing smell coming from the kitchen. My stomach grumbled in appraisal and Esme flew out of the room to grab the platter of chocolate chip cookies she baked. I beamed at her and took one, biting into it slowly. She placed the rest of the heap on the coffee table in front of me and smiled at my enthusiasm.

I basically moaned from the taste and they all laughed. I giggled too, scarfing it down and grabbing another. Only Grandma could make them taste this good. She claimed to have some secret recipe, but I think she just has an inherent knack for baking that the rest of us don't. Jake had tried and epically failed on so many occasions to produce something half as good as Esme's.

He knew chocolate chip was my favorite, so he bought enough ingredients to make eight batches for my last birthday. He ended up blowing through every single batch and I swear, each one was worse than the last. When I finally showed up in La Push that night, he was covered in flour and the counters were filled with mediocre, half-burnt chocolate chip cookies. He kept apologizing, so I told him the real birthday present was seeing him in a red-checkered, frilly apron. Luckily, the pack has significantly lower standards for their sweets, so the rejects didn't go to waste.

I heard him approaching the house with my uncle and swallowed the last bite of my third cookie, still insatiably hungry. It was unnatural how quickly his presence made my body relax and I sat back, throwing an arm over my stomach in appreciation.

"These are amazing, Grandma."

"I'll take your word for it, darling. Enjoy," I didn't need to be told twice as I carefully divided the spoils into two plates- me and Jake. If I didn't delineate now, I knew I would end up fighting him off later.

Speak of the devil: he strode in and jumped on the couch beside me and Rosalie, swiping two cookies from my pile. I swatted his shoulder as he inhaled one and started on the other without even pausing to breathe.

"Those were mine jerk. This is your pile." I thrust his plate out to him and he eagerly accepted it, passing me the half-bitten one he stole. I popped it in my mouth and my insides set on fire when I tasted him intermingled with the chocolate on my tongue. My mind wandered to what his actual lips would taste like and I was almost swept away with the fantasy.

Of course, Uncle Jasper walked in at that exact moment and I could see from his expression that my emotions were reading loud and clear. I fought the automatic burn on my cheeks and leaned against Jake's shoulder. He wrapped an arm around me, though his attention didn't leave the cookies until his were all devoured.

"You're unbelievable," I muttered to him, shoving my pile as far away from him

as I could manage. I felt the rumble of his laugh radiate through my body.

"I know, Ness. I'm awesome." I just sighed, not willing to battle it out. When I glanced up at his face, I was surprised to see his normal, carefree expression. It made me feel warm throughout my entire body and I turned to Emmett as he entered, mouthing 'thank you'. I didn't know what they discussed, but whatever it was, it seemed to alleviate some of Jake's stress. Emmett just winked back at me and moved toward Aunt Rose, sitting on the arm of the couch. She immediately stood so he could take her spot and hopped into his lap.

"I'm happy to see your appetite hasn't suffered, Renesmee." Carlisle entered with a gentle smile and joined Esme on the opposite couch, while Alice moved to the loveseat with Jasper. I grinned and debated grabbing another to brag, but my stomach churned in protest. I didn't want to puke, but I vowed to finish them tomorrow before Jacob could gobble them up.

"Did you get any immediate results from the tests?" Jasper asked gruffly. Grandpa's face was usually a pretty well maintained mask, but I saw a crease appear on his forehead and something flashed in his eyes that I couldn't quite catch. I tensed as his silence dragged on for a minute longer.

"Your hormone levels were abnormal, but that could be from the stress of the trauma." He delivered the statement without any hint of emotion and he seemed to be scrutinizing my reaction.

"Okay, so my cortisol is elevated? Because I'm stressed?" He nodded and placed his palms face down on his knees, visibly squeezing them for support.

"Your estrogen and progesterone levels are elevated as well." He was straining against the words and I struggled to understand his hesitancy. Dad had taught me a lot about human anatomy and I knew maintaining appropriate hormone levels was vital for your health, but surely if it was severe, he would just put me on medicine or something. Homeostasis was disrupted in humans all the time and they adjusted; intense emotions, outside stressors, physical activity, pregnancy- Pregnancy.

My aunts and uncles wore similar expressions to Carlisle and Esme buried her face in his chest, her fingers clutching his collar fiercely. I peered up at Jake and realized he was chewing absently on another cookie. I swallowed thickly.

"Could I be… pregnant?" Jake started choking and struggled to compose himself. I patted his back awkwardly and tried to process that possibility.

Carlisle sighed before answering me, "It's possible, Renesmee. The hormone fluctuations could be a simple product of stress and we don't even know if you're capable of being impregnated. I should be able to tell with absolute certainty within the week."

My breathing accelerated and I stared purposefully at the fabric of the couch cushion beneath me, not daring to look at Jake's face. His breaths quickly began to match mine. I stood abruptly, not sure where I was going but I knew I needed to get out of here. I started heading toward the patio door and I stopped, locking eyes with Aunt Alice, "Promise me no one will call my parents until I figure out what to tell them. Please."

She grimaced but swiftly nodded and I turned on my heel, darting into the backyard. I didn't look back to see if anyone was following me as I took off into the forest. I rarely used my full speed like I did now and I was fascinated in a kind of detached way by how the rest of the world blurred as I ran.

I caught the scent of a lynx that probably wandered down from Canada. I let my instincts take over and tracked it just a few miles north. The blood was satiating, but I couldn't rid my body of its restless energy. I gripped the lynx's neck tighter to my mouth and wondered if it had been running from its problems too when I found it.

It seemed inevitable that this burden would crush me. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but it would always be weighing on my mind and my spirit until I couldn't bear it any longer. A sick sense of envy coursed through me for the dead animal in my grasp. At least, he was out of his misery now.

I recoiled at that rationale and forced myself to separate my thoughts from the ache in my heart. I had never disliked my life so much that I wished I wasn't living it and that mindset scared me. Surely, I wasn't so broken that I would throw away all of the dozens of blessings I had been given as a mere escape from this singular pain. No matter how potent.

Hot shame and guilt filled my veins that I would even consider such a terrible act. Even if I couldn't muster the will to live for myself, I had a responsibility that transcended all else to my family. To Jacob.

I shook my head as if coming out of a daze and dropped the drained animal, wanting to be free from the reminder of my temporary lapse in judgement. I sped in the opposite direction and nearly collided with an enormous, russet-skinned wolf. My wolf.

I flung myself against him and he affectionately whined, dropping to the forest floor with me. I just gripped his fur tightly in both my fists and wrapped myself around him, clinging to his strength. I might be weak right now, but I knew he would never waver and I buried my face in his neck, overwhelmed with the solace that brought me. My Jacob would never waver. He gave a soft bark in affirmation and I realized I was sending him my thoughts.

I released my fistfuls of him, but I leaned upward to kiss the side of his head right under his eye. I put my hand over the same spot and sent him the one, definite unwavering truth I could conjure. I love you, Jake.

We laid like that for what felt like hours and I felt the tension seep from my body. I still held him close, but the urgency and fear waned, replaced by serenity and comfort. Every so often, he would lean his head over and nuzzle my cheek, releasing a soft sound. It was almost like a purr from deep in his chest and I couldn't explain the way my brain and body seemed to react to it like a match igniting kerosene. My very being was overlapping with his and I never wanted to differentiate because I was infinitely better as a part of our collective one than as my own separate entity.

He grumbled a little, his fur bristling under me and I blushed, knowing he must have heard my thoughts. I needed to work on my filter with him; it seemed almost nonexistent these days. I rubbed behind his ear and spoke aloud, no longer trusting my runaway thoughts.

"I know, I know. I'm my own super special person." He interrupted me with a dissenting whine at my attitude, but I persisted.

"It's just easier with you, Jake. You make me stronger." He was quiet at that notion, so I continued. "I'm not hurt with you. Or struggling or broken. I'm just me because you take the rest away."

I didn't willingly release my tears this time, but they streaked down my face without my permission anyway. In testament to my words, he sat up and licked my face, making me laugh. Always bringing me back from the brink. I lifted my hand to his face and flashed him the image of his dorky cooking attire that I remembered earlier. He barked out a laugh and nuzzled me closer until I was a little dizzy from his scent and his nearness.

He shifted a little, breaking off the moment, and tossed his head toward the trees, telling me it was time to go home. I moved so I was on top of him with my arms around his neck, instead of laying on his side. He stood and bounded faster than I'd ever seen him go, reaching home in just a few minutes. I slid off his back when we were in sight of the house, but he whined and blocked my path. He tapped his front paw purposefully against the ground over and over and I struggled to decipher his actions.

"Here?" I asked and he bowed his head in agreement. I was still confused until he blocked my path when I tried to move again and adamantly patted the same spot.

"You want me to stay here?" He barked what could only be considered a 'yes' and ran toward the house. I was completely confused, but I stayed right where he asked, waiting.

After about two minutes, he emerged in human form and jogged up to me, enveloping me in his arms.

"Sorry, I didn't bring clothes with me when you ran off." I ignored the pang of guilt I felt, knowing he ran after me without a second thought. He pulled back about six inches and slipped his hands around my cheeks, warming them. I fought to keep my breathing even in such close proximity with him and it seemed like he was doing the same.

"I didn't want to be in earshot." He explained carefully, brushing his thumbs over my cheekbones. My mind felt foggy as his persistent exhales washed over my face. Why did we need privacy?

"I was wrong to stop you this morning, but I just needed to be sure that I wasn't hurting you." His eyes were blazing with intensity and I scrambled to make sense of his words with what little oxygen remained in my brain. My breath caught in understanding and he brought his mouth down to mine, barely brushing.

I let out a cry or maybe a moan of frustration and pressed down on his shoulders for leverage, craning upward and crushing my lips to his. He kissed me back almost feverishly and my head swam with how his taste, his scent, and his presence coalesced around me. His hands were still cradling my face gently while his mouth was anything but gentle against mine. I tangled my fingers in his hair and tugged probably harder than was polite, but he just groaned into my mouth and the sound reverberated through my body.

I felt the trunk of a tree behind me suddenly and I couldn't tell if he or I moved us there. My chest was screaming for air, but the feeling of his mouth on mine was the only thing capable of overriding my basic survival instincts. Necessity became suggestion as his tongue traced along my bottom lip. I'd more than happily suffocate in his arms.

That possibility loomed as I felt my legs liquefy and buckle beneath me. He was supporting my weight before I even finished falling and I leaned my head back against the tree, panting frantically. His kisses moved to my jaw and became slower, pressing deeper into my skin. They travelled the length of my jaw and under my ear, to just above my neck. A strangled moan came out of my mouth and he hummed in amusement along my pulse point, making my whole body shudder in bliss.

I gingerly tested the weight of my legs on the ground and found them to be a little wobbly, but overall stable. My heart was pounding so hard that my entire body felt like it was pulsing. He just stared at me through half-lidded, black eyes as his body began to calm as well. I only spoke when I was confident my voice would be strong enough and it still came out a little breathy, "We're… really good at that."

His lazy smile pulled into a stunning grin and he chuckled, lifting a hand to run through my hair. "Yeah we are, Baby." A disproportionate jolt of pleasure ran through me at the sound of that word on his lips. He had called me Ness, Nessie, honey, even Renesmee when he was pissed or scared, but never baby and the change seemed significant somehow.

I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my head against his chest, right over his thrumming heartbeat. I held him firmly to me, determined to never let him go. He started stroking my hair in the way that makes me relax and fall asleep, but I fought to stay awake and be in this moment. He nudged my body with his other hand and abruptly swept my legs out from under me, carrying me toward the house. I shrieked in surprise at first, before curling into his chest and reaching up to kiss the patch of exposed collar bone above his shirt. I reveled in how he shivered under my mouth and felt the triumphant grin on my face. He sped up the stairs to my bedroom, tossing me roughly on the bed as penance.

The playful anger melted from his eyes and a deeper adoration replaced it. He leaned down and kissed my lips once firmly, backing away almost as soon as it started.

"Goodnight Ness."

"Goodnight Jake." He stood in the doorway for another minute, as if he wanted to say more. He just beamed at me for a moment and then softly closed my bedroom door. I slipped on PJ's, but my mind was still reeling and I knew it wouldn't shut off anytime soon. Resigned to that fate, I climbed into bed and closed my eyes, watching the replay of our first kiss over and over until my consciousness finally faded away.


	6. Promises & Premonitions

A/N: I know it's been a bajillion years since I've updated but I'm back now. I got stuck in the middle of this chapter and it took me awhile to get unstuck but I had to because I wanted to get to the stuff coming up :)

My senses woke before the rest of my brain and my whole body jolted at the scent in the air. I didn't actively process my movements as I flew to the bathroom and slammed the door shut, locking it. As if that would really protect me. I started shivering uncontrollably as his scent enveloped me; cedarwood and something floral I couldn't pinpoint.

I slid to my knees and I think I screamed, but I couldn't be sure because of the ringing in my ears. It was like my body was on auto-pilot and my mind was unraveling. Tears blurred my vision and I jerked when I felt hands on me, only relaxing when I registered their heat. I grabbed onto him and sent him my panic, unable to form coherent thoughts. I strained to calm myself because I thought he was shouting something at me, but I couldn't understand it over the roar in my ears.

I blinked away my tears and saw his agonized expression directly in front of me, suddenly feeling his hands wrapped around my face. His lips were moving, but I only heard the distorted sound of his voice, no words. I squeezed my eyes shut and buried my face in his chest, forcing myself to focus singularly on his rapid heartbeat.

The rest of the world melted away. The fear, the roar, everything dissipated as I listened to the steady beat beneath my ear. My rigid muscles began to relax as I slowly let the outside back into my mind.

"Ness, please honey. Are you hurt? Renesmee?" Jake was running his hands all over my body frantically.

"No." I croaked out and he sighed, pulling me from my safe place to stare at him.

"Then what the hell happened?"

"I thought I… I smelled him." Jake was bewildered for a second and then shot up like he was electrocuted, flying through the busted down bathroom door and over to my nightstand. I hadn't noticed the vase of white roses sitting on top and I was grateful to be next to the toilet because I realized Jake could smell it too and I emptied the contents of my stomach. _He had been here. In my bedroom._

Jake was examining the flowers and began shaking violently. I jumped up to try to calm him but his Alpha voice rang out. "Renesmee, do not come near me."

No sooner had the words left his mouth did he burst into wolf form, shredding his clothes. I had never seen him actually lose control and phase before, since he always managed to calm himself down. I approached him slowly and my heart shattered at the silent tears leaking from his eyes. He wasn't sad though, at least not on the surface. Outwardly, he was livid, snarling in rage and howling loudly. I winced at the volume, but continued to walk closer until I wrapped my arms around his neck.

He nuzzled into me and I sent him all my love and whatever calm feelings I could muster. He whined softly and trotted out of the room, probably to go find some clothes and phase back. I stood and went to survey the flowers. With my head about me, I could clearly detect the scent and that it was a few hours old. Maybe it was morbid curiosity, but I saw a small white card that Jake threw on my bed and I wanted to read it.

I carefully picked it up and noted how thick the material was. The front had a gold crest slightly raised on it and I ran my fingers over the foreign emblem. I flipped it over to see a brief note written in elegant, black script.

_Dear Renesmee,_

_I miss you already, so forgive me if I could not stay away. I must say I was hurt to see you being unfaithful to me last night- and with such a vile creature as well. When I come back to collect you, I will have to dispose of your little pet. You are mine and you would do well to remember that. - L_

My initial reaction was molten fury that he watched us and then reality and crushing fear set in. I hurried back to the toilet and wretched until my throat was raw. I didn't hear Jake come back in, but I felt his warm hand rubbing my back as I dry heaved. I didn't know when I started crying but my gags turned to sobs and Jake wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me into his chest.

"We'll get through this honey, I promise." His conviction was there but all it did was make me sicker. I knew he would protect me and he was going to die for it. Someday he would die protecting me and that thought sucked all of the life from my body.

"He's going to kill you." My throat burned at the words and my heart writhed at their truth. Jake squeezed me tighter against him.

"No, he won't. I told you I'm never leaving you again." His voice was adamant and I willed myself to believe him.

"I won't survive it."

"You won't have to. I'm not leaving you, Renesmee."

I didn't answer, leaning back against his chest. I knew I loved him. More than a best friend. More than a boyfriend. More than anything. I was tethered to him in every conceivable way and even at my weakest, I survived because he was with me. I had witnessed the bond between my parents, my aunts & uncles, and my grandparents. I saw how devoutly they loved each other and it wasn't a matter of circumstance or development. It was fate; they were soulmates.

I thought about my relationship with Jake from the beginning. He was always there whenever I needed him. He understood my emotions and my thoughts inherently, sometimes even better than I could. He was my lifeline and I could barely breathe without him. He was my soulmate.

I stood up quickly and Jake followed. "What are you doing?"

I grabbed the toothpaste off my bathroom counter and put some on my toothbrush. "I just threw up. I'm brushing my teeth so I can kiss you."

He smiled and stood there patiently as I brushed my teeth for an exorbitant amount of time. I then used the mouthwash twice for good measure. I jumped up onto the counter so I had more height and looked at him expectantly.

He grinned and moved closer, running a hand through my hair. "Ready?"

I nodded and he kissed me. It wasn't the hesitant start from last night. It was strong and confident and loving. I just went with it, molding to his frame and moving my mouth with his. It wasn't rushed or frenzied. Jake took his time and I tried to believe it was because he knew we had more.

I did stop to breathe this time and he did too, resting against my forehead and brushing his nose with mine. I never got over the adoration in his eyes when he stared at me and it took my breath away now. I reached up and cupped his cheek, exhaling my nerves.

"Jake, am I your imprint?" I held my breath and watched a rare blush rise on his face.

"Yes, you are." He looked terrified speaking the words. Jake was almost 25 and I watched the years fall off of him as he turned into an anxious teenager before my eyes.

"Thank God." I laughed, wrapping my arms around him. All the tension left his body and he held me back. He kissed my hair, my forehead, the side of my face. Anywhere his mouth could reach over and over.

"I love you so much, Ness. You're my whole world." I put my hands on his neck, flooding him with all the love I'd bottled up for years. I showed him all the memories of how he morphed from my protector, my best friend, into something much stronger. I showed him how I loved the way he nuzzled into my neck as a wolf and the sound of his heartbeat under my ear. I showed him how I felt when he kissed me, even the embarrassing ripple when he called me baby. I showed him a brief glimpse of the emptiness I felt yesterday morning at Emily's and the way it lifted when he came in the room.

Our connection broke when he crashed his mouth to mine. I fought him for dominance, and he almost relinquished as I wrapped my legs around his waist. His body went slack, but his fingers pressed into my hips and he groaned into my mouth as I flicked my tongue against his.

He gently detached my face from his and I pouted. He chuckled, pecking my nose. "We have the rest of our lives for that, Ness. I need to make sure you're safe first."

I cringed at the reminder, but I knew he was right. We couldn't just be absorbed in each other and shut out everything else, especially with the current situation. We moved to sit on my bed and he picked the card up, examining it.

"L?"

"Luca." I supplied, recalling his name. He flipped it over and seemed just as interested in the emblem as me.

He scrunched up his nose in concentration and I tried not to dwell on how adorable it looked. "I can't place that, but I know I've seen it before."

"Well, we can have Jasper or Carlisle look too. I bet one of them has seen it."

Jake took my hand. "Okay, they'll all be back soon. I don't want you to have to think about this anymore, but can you tell me anything else he said about himself?"

I wracked my brain, running through our conversations. They were mostly about me, since I was the oddball. "He said he was passing by on a trip through the States and that he lived in Europe. I didn't ask where, but he said he lived with his own coven there and he wanted to get away for a while. He also mentioned having a gift, but I guess he never got around to showing me. I remember he was turned in the 70's while he was studying abroad in college."

Jake just listened intently, but I felt his frame shake as I continued and I stopped to kiss his cheek. I fiddled with our hands in my lap. "I can't believe he saw us."

I scoffed. "I can't believe he got into my bedroom." Jake started panting and I worried he would phase again, so I avoided that line of thinking.

"What are we going to do?" I asked, leaning my head against his chest and feeling the shaking subside automatically.

"When I phased, the pack got his scent, so they're scouring Forks and the borders for it. Rosalie and Emmett went hunting around midnight, but the rest of your family left too since Alice saw a vision of _him_ on the Canadian border. It must have been a diversion, so he could come here."

I didn't want to press him any further, but one more thing stuck with me from the note. My voice came out in a whisper. "Do you really think he'll come for me?"

I cursed internally as his shaking resumed with a vengeance and he planted feverish kisses on my forehead. "Let him try."

I moaned and clutched him to me. I reached for his face and pulled it down until it was level with mine.

I stared at him fiercely. "Promise me nothing will happen to you."

"Ness, you have nothing to-"

"_Promise_ me."

His eyes were smoldering on mine. "I promise baby."

I shuddered and he grinned. "Don't change the subject." I muttered, hopping off the counter.

Jake sat with me in the living room until the rest of the family came back. He had to nudge my shoulder since I was dozing off. Everyone passed around the note and became more livid. Unce Emmett uprooted several of the trees on the front lawn and Grandma was mad enough not to scold him for it.

Grandpa took in a sharp breath and passed the note to Uncle Jasper. They exchanged a look. "This is the Volturi crest."

"What does that mean exactly?" Aunt Rose stroked my arm and I leaned into her.

"It means if this Luca isn't a member of the Guard, he's at least affiliated with the Volturi." Jasper explained.

Jake kissed my temple. "Could they have known about this?"

Grandpa seemed to be growing more and more uncomfortable. "I don't see how they could condone something so atrocious. What would they have to gai-"

He cut off with a startled expression and stared at me. Grandma grabbed his hand. "Carlisle?"

Aunt Alice gasped and her eyes glazed over. When she came to, her eyes were glistening with unshed tears. "They want your baby."

A/N: I guess they have to call Edward and Bella now.


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